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Tag: fidel castro
It seems that from somewhere, the fit has hit the shan, so to speak. Steve’s right, it does feel like high school only with much larger topics on the wind. I feel like everyone is saying something about everyone else behind their backs, and then those stories get twisted and contorted and corrupted before they make it all the way back around the the person’s face. There’s a lot of shit and a lot of truth flying around right now and sometimes it’s tough to separate the two. There are truths and shit that apply to me and, to be honest, I’m willing to let it all hit me because I know people who are in a much worse place than I am. I still see myself as lucky and fortunate in all of this, regardless of what other people feel or think of me.
I love you all, and I’m serious about the hugs and handshakes thing.
It’s time for Uncle Kacey to be in the lab again. That means I have a bit of free time to sit and spew nonsense into my journal. Okay, to me it’s not nonsense really, I’ll know what it was all about when I go back and look at it. I’m sure I’ll appreciate every page of this when I’m old and mindless, when I can’t remember what I did with my life. I can look back and see that I did abso-fucking-lultely nothing.
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A Grain of Salt
I was very upset last night, and while a lot of my thoughts and feelings are not necessarily mis-represented, they are not stated with any tact or sugar coating. I was really tense and pissed off, I have no excuse for my harshness and bluntness. I meant a lot of it, and in fact I meant most of it. I just want to say that I never set out to hurt or offend anyone with my entry, I just needed to shout, out loud or on a keyboard, either would work. I chose livejournal because I want to open myself up to my friends and the world to see. I want to show people that everyone has problems and can get angry, or upset, or irrational, or giddy, or horny, or what have you and it’s not wrong, it’s not bad, you’re not fucked up, you’re just human. People have been like this for 1000 years and no series of psychoactive drugs is going to change that. Every generation tries to fix the things that make us human.
As for Fancy turning people on me, that’s not true, I mis-spoke. I realized that shortly after I wrote it and I didn’t mean it that way. I never did, nor did I ever really think that. I was angry, and as I said, I meant most of what I said, but I also spoke irrationally. That was a statement falsely written out of anger and paranoia. I did not mean it, nor do I believe it.
This too shall pass and we will grow and learn from it. We may not grow together nor change what has happened, but we will all be wiser as a result. That I do believe.
FUCKING BITCH WHORE CUNT BAG CUM BUCKET! (edited after thought and contemplation 09/07/2003 7:52 PM)
You know, she’s like a fucking cat stuck in a 70 foot tree! No, not Heather. Someone else. She’s on my friend’s list but I’m not saying who, if you figure it out, it’s kudos to you. Anyway, back to my analogy.
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Good Ol’ Charlie Brown
Okay, if this keeps up, my self image really is going to improve. Lately my self image has been faltering for reasons that some of you are more aware of than others, but if the cutest girls in class keep smiling at me while I do my orientations, then my self image may actually improve and I mat start to get a bit of an ego back. For better or worse, I actually feel better about myself today. I’m sure things will change before too long though. But for now, I feel like Charlie Brown when the little red headed girl smiled at him. Golly.
I was in the lab this morning thinking about all the things I could write about and not deciding on anything in particular. I know that there are things I’d like to write out here that I’m not sure I want everyone in the world to read but I feel like I need to voice. I know there are a lot of people I know who read this and I don’t really want to air these issues with them. Some of them involve people who read this journal and I don’t want to embarass them. So instead, I’m just idly typing, pretending that I have something important to post.
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Biting My Tongue
I really want to write some thoughts up here right now, but I don’t want to upset Heather with my present thoughts, so I”ll just let you know that I’m doing a lot of angry thinking this morning.
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Happy Y2K3
Well Sheeeeeeeeit… looks like I’ve been slacking on the updates… sorry about that. I know that this is such a popular blog I have people beating down my virtual door to get updates. I know, my life is just that interesting.