Tag: sex
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I feel bad about how I get about sex sometimes. I know that it’s not helping the situation a lot, but it’s very important and very emotional to me, so when I realize I’ve missed an opportunity, or an opportunity isn’t going to be available to me for an extended period of time, I get upset, or sad, or depressed because I want to see improvement, I do see improvement, I see change, I get hopeful. At the same time I am so paranoid of backsliding. We’ve had months where things were awesome, times when we were scared that things were going to get worse, so almost out of desperation, things got better, but in time they have always come back to the same status quo, and that’s why it effects me so much I think. I feel so bad about it, but at the same time, I can’t seem to lose the paranoia. Maybe it’s because it’s happened so many times, we’ll get on a good streak and then a month later I’ll realize it’s as if nothing ever changed.
Well, things are going pretty well right now. The movie night last night went better than expected. We had a fair number of people show up and had a good old time watching the movie. Most everyone was impressed by the movie in one way or another. Laura said “Oh… …Mygod!” more times than I even expected, and Jeremy actually raised his hands in triumph in the middle declaring it the “Best Movie Ever.” Even Ben has put it close on par with Leprechaun 4: In Space which is a pretty high regard in his world. We hung out for a few hours after the movie, trying to decide what we were going to watch next time. I’m thinking we’re going to watch Emperor’s New Groove so that some people who were not willing to degrade themselves with Bad Taste, can participate. Now this doesn’t mean I’m going to keep the cinematic quality this high all the time, I’m probably going to keep the movies varried and rather unexpected. I’m even going to toy around with trying to rent stuff too so that we’re not limited to my movies only.
Thursday in the Lab
Well, I’m in the lab again. I don’t get to watch the end of Dude, Where’s My Car? I mean it’s my DVD so I can watch it whenever I want, but it’s not the same watching 2/3 of a movie and then having to walk away. You’re in the story, you’re involved. Oh well, it’s my job to manage the lab and make sure it is operational, if that means walking out on a movie to man the front desk, so be it.
It’s been a couple days…
Things are going a bit better, but then they always do after crazy monkey sex. I think I have an optomism cycle I go through. When Heather and I are able to actually get things in sync, I’m usually good for a week or so, I’ll make comments and try to create opportunities, but I’m not overly put off by rejection. After a week or so, I start to feel like rejection is the status quo and I start to feel desperate and dejected. If it goes on for more than two weeks, then I start to feel nihilistic and that things are going to only get worse. If we make it past three weeks, we usually get in a big explosive fight which, while we do not have make-up sex, per-se, we usually seem to temporarilly resolve our issues in the next day or so. And then we start all over again. Maybe this is the cycle of our lives and I just need to learn to accept it.