Tuesday, July 13th, 2004 | LiveJournal Archives

Man am I in a wierd mood today. I can feel depression licking at me like whisps of fog on the grass on a cool morning, but I can’t think of any reason why I should feel this way. Simultaneously, I feel tense or twitchy, whcih could just be the coffee. I don’t know, I didn’t have nearly the breakfast I had yesterday, just a banana; no cereal.

I’m upset about money. We got an extra $300 this month, and yet we’re still scrimping to make it to the end of the month. I don’t know how to start moving positive again. I’m doing so much better and not just blowing money arbitrarilly, and yet we’re still tightening our belts. There are so many movies, cds, books, games and MMORPG fees I’d love to be spending money on now, but I just coast from month to month, putting all the thing’s I’d like to have on hold so that I can keep buying the things we need.

The positive side is, I feel much less materialistic now than I used to be. I don’t need to own things to be happy, I can look at them or borrow them from people and be happy with the experience without feeling the need to own it myself. Though, at the same time, I do feel bad about all the music I’ve downloaded for free, I feel I owe something back to the artists… I just can’t afford to pay them. If I could do them a 99¢ favor for each song I download, I’d be fine with that. I could, like, make them a sandwich for a song. Of course, they’d have to buy the bread and stuff, but I’d still make it.

Anyway, shit, I don’t know what I’m talking about anymore. I guess I’m just kind of bored, lonely, and rambling. I’ll stop now before I get myself in trouble.

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July 2004