LiveJournal Archives – 09/16/2003
Tuesday, September 16th, 2003 |
LiveJournal Archives
I feel bad about how I get about sex sometimes. I know that it’s not helping the situation a lot, but it’s very important and very emotional to me, so when I realize I’ve missed an opportunity, or an opportunity isn’t going to be available to me for an extended period of time, I get upset, or sad, or depressed because I want to see improvement, I do see improvement, I see change, I get hopeful. At the same time I am so paranoid of backsliding. We’ve had months where things were awesome, times when we were scared that things were going to get worse, so almost out of desperation, things got better, but in time they have always come back to the same status quo, and that’s why it effects me so much I think. I feel so bad about it, but at the same time, I can’t seem to lose the paranoia. Maybe it’s because it’s happened so many times, we’ll get on a good streak and then a month later I’ll realize it’s as if nothing ever changed.
I’ve come to realize that relationships take a lot more work than a lot of people are willing to put into them. They think that once the marriage is official, the work of dating, wooing, romancing, sweet-talking, and generally concious and directed “loving” can be left asside because, damnit, I proved I love you by getting married and wearing this ring. But really, our emotions, our attatchements are as fragile after we get married as before, maybe even moreso. We need to reassure and confirm to our partner that we haven’t given up on them, that we still love them (if in fact we still do). The divorce rate is up, way up. And I think that has a lot more to do with the speed of the world now than anything that’s changed or been “discovered” about human nature.
We are a fast food world now, everyone is looking for instant gratification. They want to walk into a restraunt, throw money at someone and have food appear in front of them in less than five minutes. It doesn’t matter how awful it is, it’s the fact that it’s there that matters. If it has no nutrition, it still doesn’t matter, as long as I don’t have to work for it or wait for it. I’ll admit to being the same way a lot of the time. They want to live in the same house with someone and expect them to be everything to them, friend, lover, confidant, handmaiden (or man-servant, whichever, or both). The probelm comes from the fact that the other person is expecting the same out of you. They both want the other person to be ready and willing for whatever desire is fresh in mind. Both play the expecting game and that just isn’t going to work. They both expect the other to want what the other does at all times, and that’s almost never going to happen.
It’s a hard world, and now that a lot of gender and sexuality expectations have been turned on their ear, people are more than willing to question the need for marriage and the validity of monogamy. But then again, I tend to think these are two seperate issues. I think marriage, and dedication to an individual is very important and very noble. It’s an institution that I’ve entered into and am more than willing to put forth the effort to maintain. I think it’s a great benefit to each individual to have someone who stands with you through thick and thin, you loves you and accepts your love unconditionally, who will support you, but whom you support equally. These are noble causes and thus should be respected as such. I think having someone to hold at the end of the day, the same person every day, is comforting, special, and amazing! And if Heather doesn’t realize this, then I hope this makes her more aware of that fact.
We’ve been lazy in the past, we’ve eaten fast food and expected everything from eachother without making an effort ourselves. We’re working to get past this, but it’s a long road and really, to be honest, the road never ends. It only ends in death or divorce, because you always need to work to love and show your love to that person.
Sex is a much more complex issue, and maybe I shouldn’t dirty up this entry with my thoughts on that…
6 Comments to LiveJournal Archives – 09/16/2003
huh.
i don’t think this is what you intended, but i couldn’t help thinking about my marriage while reading this. thanks for the food for thought.
Re: huh.
I wasn’t really thinking about your marriage at all, it was more of a generalized, “a lot of people I know are having relationship problems and it’s on my mind” kind of statement.
Re: huh.
It’s a rare occasion that I actually check my friends page and read someone’s entry. Even more rare that I respond. I’m just too self-absorbed, I guess.
Anyhow, at least you motherfuckers HAVE relationships to have problems with. You’ve obviously forgotten how much of a fucking Herculean feat it is to get to that level.
Re: huh.
No, actually, I haven’t forgotten that. My entry is more on the point that people work so fucking hard to get there, and once they do, they take it for granted and think that all that work has paid off and now they don’t need to do a fucking thing ever again.
Dude, I know how hard it is to get to level two, believe me. I just know a lot of people get to that level and stop playing. I’m sorry folks, but the gamne doesn’t end when you say “’til death do us part.” It ends when you die.
Re: huh.
But he’s not bitter damnit! No not at all…yeah…
Re: huh.
i know it wasn’t directed toward me or my marriage at all, it just fit. i just wanted to thank you for a new way to look at things.
September 17, 2003