Archive for October 10th, 2008
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Friday, October 10th, 2008 | LiveJournal Archives | No Comments
- 08:29 I’ve decided that the shirt and shorts combo I was uncertain about this morning is really not working afterall. #
- 13:48 #Blog: A Movie of Depreciating Value… kclose3.com/blog/?p=152 #
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A Movie of Depreciating Value…
Friday, October 10th, 2008 | Entertainment | 1 Comment
…in which I talk about my love for movies, even the bad ones.
I love movies. I mean, I really love movies. I will watch the worst movies you’ve seen and enjoy myself, usually finding at least one small part that is redeemable. I watch some really bad movies sometimes, just because of a particular actor, director, writer, or theme. I have a really bad habit of adding movies to my Netflix queue simply because the description “sounds interesting.” As a result, my Netflix queue has over 400 movies on it, many of which I don’t recognize or even remember why I added them in the first place. › Continue reading
A Movie of Depreciating Value…
Friday, October 10th, 2008 | LiveJournal Archives | No Comments
…in which I talk about my love for movies, even the bad ones.
I love movies. I mean, I really love movies. I will watch the worst movies you’ve seen and enjoy myself, usually finding at least one small part that is redeemable. I watch some really bad movies sometimes, just because of a particular actor, director, writer, or theme. I have a really bad habit of adding movies to my Netflix queue simply because the description “sounds interesting.” As a result, my Netflix queue has over 400 movies on it, many of which I don’t recognize or even remember why I added them in the first place.
Last night we watched Miss Cast Away and the Island Girls and while it takes a really deplorable movie for me to do this, I rated it a one out of five stars. To be honest, though, it wasn’t really because of how bad the movie was (but don’t get too excited, it was a atrociously bad movie), but more because the description lied to me. More specifically, the “featured cast” list on Netflix lied to me. Here, take a look at who is supposed to be in it:
- Evan Marriott
- Eric Roberts
- Joyce Giraud
- Colleen Shannon
- Stuart Pankin
- Michael Jackson
- Charlie Schlatter
- Somaya Reece
- Eugene Greytak
- Anna Nicole Smith
- Bob Denver
- Pat Morita
- Lou Ferrigno
- Bernie Kopell
- Jerry Lewis
Now I can only guess that I added this movie, regardless of its star rating (1.9) simply because of the fantastically diverse cast. Even when the disk arrived, I didn’t remember anything about the movie but as soon as I saw all these names in the description, I was once again excited to see all these people working together. As I sat, watching the movie with Heather (who only gave it a chance for the same promised cast), I started to notice that in light of the lack of a plot and the abysmally cartoonish special effects, no casting choices were ever going to save this feature. Eric Roberts, a B quality star, made his appearance early on, and Charlie Schlatter (yeah, I had to look him up, but he looked really familiar) entered immediately afterwards, but all those other big names up there seemed to be taking their time showing up. Eventually, there was a gag in which Charlie Schlatter, stranded with the beauty pageant contestants on the deserted island, finds an unconscious Gilligan lookalike (that’s Bob Denver for those of you who are not good with names) and goes through his pockets. This lookalike never speaks, nor even looks at the screen. There is no way to even suggest that it was, in fact, Bob Denver but we are to assume that it was. It turns out that even IMDB has taken Bob Denver’s name out of the credits, if not by request, then probably out of respect. Shortly afterwards, Michael Jackson made his appearance, and it was a surprisingly sizable part. To be fair, though, the writer/director has a prior relationship with Michael Jackson and a particularly talented small boy. Even still, his footage looked like it was filmed with a webcam and submitted via email.
Of the remaining stars, Lou Ferrigno was superimposed on a special effect, Jerry Lewis was possibly there in name only (as in, his name was mentioned), I never saw any reference at all to Anna Nicole, Pat Morita or Bernie Kopell. In all honesty, the movie did make me chuckle more than once, and for that, I was going to give it two stars (to get an idea of what I deem a one star film, watch Porn Theatre) but dropped it to one star because I felt lied to and cheated. Before putting the disk in the mail to go back to its hellspawn origin, I even crossed out all the names on the label that were arguably not even in the movie.
Oh, and Jurassic Pork didn’t make me chuckle at all.
Originally posted at K. Close III
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