K. Close III

The Game of Life…

Wednesday, May 7th, 2008 | Uncategorized

…in which I talk about the lives of our animals and the value we are forced to attach to them.

As you may recall, a few months back we had to have my dog, Knight, put down due to an unknown illness or infection. We spent two months running tests and watching him degrade. He got worse and worse faster than the diagnoses could come in so in the end, we spent a good bit of money on drugs and tests, and then had to spend a good bit more on having him euthanized and disposed of. It hurts. No matter how much I love my pets, there’s still a part of me that says they’re just animals. I know that this sentiment is not true of everyone. There are people out there who would pump any amount of money into an animal to help it live long and healthy, but for us, the value of an animal is an unknown, but very palpable issue. We are not well off, we live check to check, so paying several hundred dollars to have the failing health of a dog diagnosed, is a conscious effort and not taken lightly. As Knight got worse and worse, Heather and I discussed where the line may be between paying more money, and surrendering to the inevitable and just letting him go. As fate would have it, Knight passed that line on his own and we were convinced to put him down before we had to determine exactly how much the life of a beloved pet is worth.

Now do not misunderstand. We are not callus people who have animals with no means of caring for them. Our pets get high quality food, they get regular checkups, and we are able to take them to the vet at the first signs of trouble. Its just that we’re not situated for long term care or extended costs. The routine care for our pets is worked into our budget, and we have savings for when an emergency comes up, but to try and afford a “manageable illness” is kind of out of the question. And unfortunately, we are possibly looking at that kind of debate right now.

As it turns out, our middle cat, Asgar, has been showing signs of illness and is currently not faring so well. His weight has fluctuated greatly in the past few months, with a fairly steady decline as the main direction. His interest in food has been equally variable. When we took him to the vet, they suggested several culprits, but nothing was definitive. He was at a “healthy” weight, also, which was nice because for several years prior, he was considered overweight. Well, his weight continued to drop and we took him in for a second weigh-in, which not only confirmed that he’s still losing weight, but also found that he was losing muscle tissue. They drew some blood and ran some more tests and as of Monday, the vet is fairly convinced that he’s developed diabetes, but he has to run more tests to be sure. Since then, Heather and I have been talking, yet again, about the manageability of a cat with diabetes. We’ve heard that it can cost as much as $200 a month, or even more depending on the severity. We are not in any kind of place to spend that much more a month on top of all of our other bills.

When it came time to put Ansel in daycare, we prepared ourselves for it for six months prior, shorting our budget and building a savings account with the money that we would have been spending on Ansel long before we had to actually live without it. We had six months to adjust our spending and our budgets. On top of that, Ansel is our son, our own flesh and blood, and a very long term investment to boot. I expect him to far outlive myself. Asgar, on the other hand, is already considered a mature cat, he’s eight years old and has had a very full life so far. The rational side of me keeps screaming “he’s just a cat.”

Today, when we went home for lunch, we found Ia’s bed covered in urine and blood. At first we were concerned that we had yet another sick animal, but it turns out that the blood and urine was actually from a cat (as Ia had been outside all morning and there was no sign of blood on our white dog. We confirmed this when we found more blood and urine, as well as vomit, in the guest bathroom tub, and even more blood around the litter box. We have to assume that Asgar has gotten worse. Heather has called the vet, but they are still awaiting the results from a couple more tests.

At this point, we already know that we pretty much can’t afford $200 a month to manage his diabetes. In a sad way, we’re almost hoping that he has developed something from which he cannot recover and cannot maintain so that, like Knight, the “money vs. life” debate can be resolved for us, but until we hear back from the vet, we won’t know.

The vet apparently just called and wants to instruct us on how to give Asgar insulin. He may only be on it for a little while, but he may be on it forever. There’s no way to tell. They’ve also informed us that the blood may or may not even be related to the diabetes, it is not a symptom of diabetes but is instead a symptom of stress. He could simply be stressed out about his diabetes. Hopefully he doesn’t need antidepressants as well.

So I guess we’re going to go home so Heather can learn how to give her cat insulin shots and I can bemoan the fact that its just one more expense that we can’t afford (though apparently the can be as inexpensive as $40-50). Did I mention that our daycare provider is quitting the business and Heather wants to quit her job?

8 Comments to The Game of Life…

Leave a comment