Archive for November, 2008
Don’t Leave Home Without It…
Monday, November 17th, 2008 | Memories | 2 Comments
…in which I talk about maturing and leaving behind my “wild” past.
I didn’t have anything close to what you would call a “wild” college experience. You wouldn’t make a movie based off of my years in the dorms. Heck, you’d be hard pressed to make a flashback montage of any genuine interest, but it is what I made of it. But there were highlights and moments of unconventional adventures that do stick out from time to time, many of which I have a memento of one kind or another. Today, I left a part of my history on the bathroom counter and reduced a memento to a memory.
Fourteen years ago or so, before I’d even met Heather or dreamed of my life as it is now, four of my friends and I piled into my pale yellow 1979 Pontiac Bonneville and headed down to Dallas to visit a very popular tattoo and piercing parlor, Obscurities. Two of my friends were getting navel piercings, another was getting her nose pierced, one was just along for the ride. Not only was I the driver, being that I had the largest car, but I had also decided to get my nipple pierced. To this day, I can’t remember why exactly I had decided to do it, but it wasn’t to impress anyone, and it wasn’t on a whim. I had thought about it for a while and decided that it was something I wanted and when the opportunity arose, decided to grab it by the horns, as it were. Aside from a near mixup of which nipple was supposed to be pierced, everything went well and we all bumped and rumbled home in the car.
I’ve had that nipple piercing now for fourteen years. I’ve had several different pieces of jewelry in it, but its always been there. Heather has never known me without it. Even Ansel has never known me without it, though I don’t know that he’ll ever remember it. Its been something of a novelty; at times a gag, like a circus act; and at others a kind of virility, like a peacock plume; but regardless, its been a part of me. It was my first relic of “alternative” living. It came before alcohol and tattooing. It was a bookmark on my college years, not necessarily a turning point, but a pinpoint on a long evolution from teen to adult.
Removing it permanently was not a decision I came to lightly; in fact, its something that I’ve been debating for weeks now. I’ve had it long enough that it is a part of me, so taking it out and not putting it (or something else) back in is almost like taking off my left pinky and just leaving it behind. Its not something I really use, but can feel that its missing. My final decision came from the fact that its been a little irritated lately; and with Ansel climbing more and more, grabbing on to my chest indiscriminately, its been bothering me more often. I discussed it with Heather a couple of weeks ago when it first started bothering me, and she said that it wouldn’t bother her for it not to be there, even though, as I said, she’s never known me without it.
So now its gone… I could probably replace the jewelry tonight and undo my decision, but I don’t foresee myself doing so. It was something that, since it was under my shirt, obscured from the general public, that was obviously more for myself than everyone else and I’ve been less than happy with it of late. I know that I’ll miss it, and it will take some time to get used to it not being there, but in time, I’m sure I will learn to accept it, and myself without it.
We Now Return You To Our Regularly Scheduled Broadcast, Already in Progress…
Monday, November 10th, 2008 | Blogging, Family, Personal Flaws | 4 Comments
…in which I talk about my own current affairs and the regularity of my blogging.
I feel bad because it shouldn’t be all that hard to post one blog a week. Every friday I all of a sudden realize that I haven’t posted anything and that I should write something up “right now” or another week will go by. Then, on Monday, I realize that I’ve missed that week. Maybe I need a weekly blogging night, or something. I frequently have ideas that I want to write about, issues that bother me, thoughts that I ponder; you know, regular blogging topics, but I often forget them before I get a chance to write about them. To this end, I think I’m going to buy myself yet another blank journal and start a blogging notebook… kind of a “writer’s blog defense book.” I almost bought one this weekend (for free with a coupon), but they were all so cheap looking I didn’t think they’d hold up to the abuse I was sure to pile on them. I’m low on funds right now, but I may still go out and see what I can find in the bookstore, later.
I’m glad the election is over, I was getting really tired of all the political talk, both national and local. More-so, I was getting really sick of the ads that months ago started out clean and unscathing, but more recently turned to muckraking and borderline slander. Someday, I’d love to live in a world where we simply sell ourselves on our own merit, rather than on how much better we are then our peers. Every time I am all but forced to promote myself by comparative arguments, I feel disgusted with myself. Yes, I understand that to get ahead, we have to make ourselves look like the best choice, but I’d certainly rather do that by making myself look good, not by making others look bad. Our society has put so much stress on contrast and competition, I feel like we, as a “modern” society, are far more adept at finding the bad in things than finding the good. I like to think of myself as a radical in such that whenever I watch a movie, or read a book, I manage to find some redeemable quality that made my experience worth while, rather than focus on the flaws so much that it ruins the entire event.
I’ve also noticed in the past, that I have been able to change people’s overall opinion of a “bad” movie, simply by talking about the good parts and helping them to remember what they actually enjoyed. Its not that I’m trying to be an advocate against negative opinions, but I just feel like the world today doesn’t foster an environment for a fair analysis. When we find a flaw in something, we pick at it interminably until the entire whole of the thing is infected and crusted over with whatever turned us against it in the first place, even if that initial inkling was minor at its inception. We are predisposed to hate something, and need to be convinced that we like it, rather than the other way around. We’re constantly prepared for disappointment, and have to be surprised when we’re not disappointed. So often, people critique something by saying it was “surprisingly good,” as if there was no way that they were going to be entertained. But then again, if you expected such a massive letdown, why did you even give it a chance. Maybe we’re constantly on the lookout for surprise, and as such, continue to expose ourselves to potential disaster, in hopes that the titanic will finally miss the iceberg.
Sometimes, however, no matter how high your expectations are, there’s nothing that can prepare you for the inevitable meltdown that’s waiting for you in the near future.
I went to Wizard World Texas, yesterday, and while I’m not going to go into details about it, things were not good on the trip back. I got to spend time with Derek, which was good, and I got to meet Max Brooks, which was great, but pretty much everything else was trumped by some unfortunate events on the way home. I’m working very hard to focus on the highlights, and am making light, in my head, of the tragedies, but its hard. I’m concerned for the future of some really good friends and hope that, despite the awkwardness and unfortunate circumstances of this weekend, things will improve. In my retelling of this weekend’s events, I’ve admitted that the last thing I want to be is the straw on the camel’s back. Also, I found out this past weekend, that a peer, and passing acquaintance is no longer together with her spouse. I don’t know her all that well and rarely socialize with her, I’ve never met her spouse to my knowledge, but the news of her name change and breakup was remarkably saddening to me.
I grew up lucky, I’d say. My parents rarely fought, were always supportive of each other and my brother and I, and had decent relationships with all of their parents and grandparents. Divorce is extraordinarily rare in my family, and I’ve never had to deal with it first person. 
Even when Heather and I were having some serious relationship problems, years back, I don’t think either of us could picture ourselves not with each other. Its like we just understood that we would work it out and move forward. Now, six years later, I’ve never loved Heather more, and to know that we have Ansel as a result of, not only our love, but our sordid experiences as well, makes me realize that a marriage does not have to be eternal bliss. In fact, I would argue, that a marriage, or any relationship for that matter, cannot exist solely on rapture and euphoria. If you cannot experience all of your emotions with your closest relationships, then you’re obviously not completely open to them. Every now and then, you have to spit a little venom.
This isn’t at all where I intended to go with this post, and to be honest, I don’t even know where I expected to go when I started writing, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t good enough.
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