Dogs Don’t Know Its Not Bacon…

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008 | LiveJournal Archives

…in which I talk about a quest coming to fruition and possibly some person faults.

It was not long ago that a conversation about bacon and chocolate came up in a friendly chat. To be honest, I’m not entirely sure who came up with this Reesesesque concept, but my story would recall that it was me. In all honesty, however, it doesn’t really matter. The combination of bacon and chocolate has been a hot topic as of late. In my internet roaming, I stumbled upon Vosges, who actually happen to sell a bacon chocolate bar. We searched for it around town and even around Dallas a bit, but it is an elusive little bugger. there were even a few times where I was almost willing to spend $14 on a chocolate bar (thats the bar plus shipping and handling). Monday, we finally had a breakthrough. Angela’s friend Michelle found it at World Market here in town, a place we had looked for it several times. Apparently, word finally got out and they put it in stock.

In a few moments, I will be opening the bar that Angela so graciously and gregariously purchased for me, during my time of month end poverty. I know she, as well as other people, are expectant of my opinion of this holy grail of sweet and salty. So with no further ado, I will proceed to open the package and see what awaits…

…but first, I will share with you, the instructions printed on the package, the proper way to experience this sensual excursion.

Breathe…engage your 5 senses, close your eyes and inhale deeply. Be in the present moment, notice the color of the chocolate, the glossy shine. Rub your thumb over the chocolate bar to release the aromas of smoked applewood bacon flirting with deep milk chocolate. Snap off just a tiny piece and place it in your mouth, let the lust of salt and sweet coat your tongue.

Mo's Bacon BarBeyond the wheat colored sleeve, the bar is wrapped in the same silver lining of all the Vosges bars. I’ll note that, of no consequence, the bar is already broken exactly in half. Is this some other worldly hint that I am to eat half of the bar in this initial sitting? I hope not, I am the type to savor food over a longer period of time, taking smaller portions to make the bulk of the food last longer, rarely eating leftovers the next day so that there is at least a three day experience. I will do what I can to only eat two squares.

The aluminum is difficult to open. I do not recall having this much trouble with bars in the past, but maybe my anticipation is making my fingers weak and uncoordinated. I’ve corrected a surprisingly large number of typos already. The initial scent is very similar to the Barcelona Exotic Bar. The same deep milk chocolate with a hint of savory on the breeze. Even though I put it in the refrigerator after work, just to firm it back up from the hot car ride home, I took it out almost an hour ago to take the chill off. Its already soft again, making it difficult to pull the first two squares out. The scent of bacon is very subtle and almost imperceptible. Its more of an “after smell,” something that exists just beyond the chocolate perfection that all of Vosges deep milk bars are built from.

The feel is familiar, again because of my experience with other bars from the same chocolatier. The bacon bits are immediately apparent in the chocolate, they slide around as the chocolate melts on my tongue. Surprisingly, the taste is more subtle than I expected. The Barcelona (the best Vosges bar to date, in my opinion) was actually more salty. I think the combination of salty, sweet, smooth, and savory are more balanced in this one, and thus more harmonious. The fibrous nature of the bacon, however, is almost jarring with the exceedingly creamy chocolate. Where previous experiences left a salt crystal that melted naturally, the bacon is left to be dealt with all on my own, defiant and resilient.

I honestly cannot decide how I feel about it. In a way, it is superior to previous salty/sweet confections, but at the same time, the bacon left to be chewed almost reminds me of candy’s that leave chewy bits in your teeth. Also, while I understand the limitations of the medium, I almost expected the bacon to be crispier. Perhaps I would have rendered it more to make it almost brittle, but this is still very meaty. I was expecting something more like a nutty crunch, yet still obviously pork, but instead, this is a very solid matter floating in my chocolate. The flavor is perfect in its harmony, but the textures leave a lot of contrast to deal with. I find that larger bites, eaten more aggressively, deal with that conflict better, while still leaving the taste experience. The Barcelona is better served for meditative melting in your mouth, but to eat the bacon bar, you must admit you are a carnivore and plow into it, lest you risk breaking down the components and leaving them to each play solo.

Do not take any of this to think that I do not like it, it is simply a different experience than what I had imagined in anticipation. I now know that I wouldn’t spend $14 to have it delivered to my house, but I would spend $6 if I was already at World Market.


As an addendum, I would like to admit a personal fault of mine that I’m sure many of you are already privy to, but as journals are meant for, I will air my laundry in an attempt to better understand myself.

I have a problem with feeling like I need to experience things first. I’ve often been a groundbreaker of new games, new foods, new movies, etc. I pride myself on finding new things and sharing them with my friends. I sometimes feel like its how I make myself valuable to my peers. I know my friends enjoy my company for reasons far more respectable than that, but its something I’ve had a decent track record with. As I mentioned in my preface, regardless of its validity, I recall being the first to envision bacon chocolate together (please don’t correct me, I’m not interested in the truth or an argument about it – also, if you thought it it first, don’t be offended by my flawed memory, yours probably isn’t all that great either).

So my own history, and my twisted recollection, I somehow felt obligate to be the one to first savor Mo’s Bacon Bar and share my experience… or at least be amongst others who all tried it together. Unfortunately, since I didn’t have money to buy a bar, I had to not only rely upon the unbelievably gracious kindness of Angela, but I also had to wait until today to taste it. It shouldn’t have bothered me that others tried their Bacon Bar first, and I know that. I told myself that repeatedly after the Twitter came in.

Its stupid and I know it. I tried to not let it bother me, and for the most part, it didn’t, which means I’m getting better, but I still know that flaw is in me, and that it surfaces from time to time. There are several other facets to this personality disorder that I am more than passingly aware of, but I’m hoping that sharing like this, and keeping myself vigilant of my own stupid complexes will help me get past them and become a better person. I don’t know exactly who I am trying to improve myself for, but I am definitely aware of my issues and would rather them not affect my friends and have them reflect badly upon me (which, in and of itself, may be yet another flaw).


So, in short, Bacon Bar good, but not as good as my imagination. Personal weakness and need to be a “ground breaker” still present, but fading and more in control.


Originally posted at K. Close III
You can comment at kclose3.com


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